While happiness cannot be viewed separately from many contexts, see article Happiness, there are nevertheless many proven and scientifically researched ways in which you can actively contribute to feeling happier and more content. It is, to a certain extent, a competency and ability that can be “trained.” The focus here is more on the question of what “being happy” means to you personally and what paths exist to achieve this. It also involves reflections on to what extent and how happiness is possible independently or despite certain adverse circumstances. At the same time, it includes the ability to broaden your perspective by learning to direct your habitual focus to other areas. And possibly also to examine and put into perspective your own habits (always seeing the glass as half empty instead of half full) and belief patterns (I don’t deserve to be happy) so that you can experience more happiness. For example, I have been meditating since I was 16 years old, and although I practice this relatively regularly, I still notice how I fall back into old patterns—especially in challenging moments. Or I am dissatisfied with myself and with certain situations, am jealous of others, and my thoughts keep circling. When I then train myself to refocus on the small beautiful moments in everyday life and on my breath, and not only on what is currently not going well, my contentment slowly changes and I simultaneously feel more strength and flexibility in dealing with challenges. That works for me. But perhaps something completely different works for you. There is no ready-made instruction manual for how to achieve your happiness, because it depends on you, on your life. Therefore, let yourself be inspired by the tips that make sense to you and forget the rest. Or even better, create your own list… Incidentally, I do not list breath awareness exercises among my top 9 points, even though I practice them, because studies have repeatedly shown many important effects of this exercise, but not necessarily an increase in the feeling of happiness. And two pieces of advice upfront: Try several approaches. There is not just one single way to feel happy. And even if you do not feel very happy at the moment, do not think that something is wrong with you and avoid comparing yourself to others. Each of us is different, is in a different phase of life, and also has different genetic predispositions, as well as in relation to early phases of life, to experience contentment. Am I always happy? Far from it. By following the tips below, however, you will cultivate and practice your ability to perceive happiness and thereby experience more happiness.
Here now is my list of 9 tips for being happy, from a truly imperfect happy person.
- Become active and begin to change yourself or the situation, for example by setting goals. Important: do not set your goals too high right away, but lower the bar for your happiness. In this way, I appreciate successes I have achieved and things I experience that I previously took for granted. That makes me happier. For example, when I start a new book alongside my practice and teaching activities, it is usually a huge, unattainable project. I feel almost overwhelmed and everything seems so difficult and the end is not in sight at all. But if I formulate small stages, a chapter or a paragraph as a target, I have much more joy in writing and experience moments of success and happiness.
- Movement: Numerous studies confirm it—movement makes you happy and increases mental well-being. For example, aerobic and resistance exercises demonstrably improve your mood states. Choose the type of movement that suits you; that can also be gardening.
- Green, always green: Contact with nature is associated with a higher degree of happiness and life satisfaction. And indeed, this also applies to your children. Take time out for a beautiful walk in the forest, for a picnic in a clearing, an herb hike. Make phone calls in green surroundings or simply do your favorite sport in nature.
- Count your blessings according to Martin Seligman: Even though the effects of positive psychology interventions are smaller than originally thought, they are nevertheless significantly effective. To become happier requires both willpower and the right approach. Studies confirm that interventions to feel happier work. But only if you truly commit to them and if you practice continuously. How does it work? At the end of the day, think about three things that happened during the day for which you are grateful. And why you believe these happened. Put all of this down on paper. Perform this exercise over a period of 6 to 8 weeks, 2 to 3 times per week. This exercise will demonstrably make you feel happier.
- Express gratitude and open yourself to others: Create a list of the people in your life for whom you are grateful. Have you shown these people your gratitude? If not, you can do so mentally. Or you can write a short email or letter to these people and thank them. For example, show your partner, your friends, your sports companions, or colleagues that they are important to you and that you are grateful for the time with them. Perform this exercise over a period of 6 to 8 weeks, 2 to 3 times per week for 5-10 minutes. This exercise will not only demonstrably increase your life satisfaction, but will also lower your stress level.
- Reach out to other people: Spending time with people who are good for you makes you happy. Consciously take time to meet or contact friends who are important to you. Even if you are very busy, you can, for example, send a short text message or email or call for a few minutes. And if you currently have few or no friends, actively seek situations where you can meet people. Be brave and take the first step. You are responsible for putting yourself in situations where you meet new people, for example in a dance class, during sports, at parties, and simply use every opportunity to start conversations with people. Avoid waiting for the perfect friend or appearing overly perfect and flawless yourself, and instead show genuine interest in the other person.
- Eat something sour: Sour taste, such as biting into a lemon, promotes risk-taking. In fact, according to a 2018 study, taking risks is a primitive behavior that can lead to a happier life by conveying a sense of excitement through self-actualization.
- Be creative, reframe: Reframing is a way to view events or people, including yourself, from a different perspective. By changing the frame of meaning of events, you also change the emotional significance of these events for you. And that is easier than you might think. Imagine the bus drives away right in front of you or someone snatches the last taxi at the taxi stand away from you. Instead of simply cursing this situation or the bus driver or being annoyed that you are unlucky, you could equally reinterpret it as: Finally I have some time to pause and follow my breath. Or: Great, this gives me the opportunity to do something good for myself and walk to the next bus stop. You may now think that you are just telling yourself this meaning. And that is true. However, you are also telling yourself the other meaning, only you do not notice it because you do it automatically out of a habitual pattern. Now you consciously choose a particular meaning because you are taking responsibility for your well-being. And the more often you do this, the easier it will become. This kind of mental discipline and control enables you to avoid or dissolve negative thoughts and feelings. For example, it has been shown that balanced reframing can effectively dampen stress.
- Laugh: Many studies have repeatedly shown it—laughter makes you happy, leads to a significant decrease in depression, and also promotes health. Rarely is it so simple. How about a 2-minute laughter break now? Do something you know makes you laugh. Watch a funny video clip, clowning, or stand-up comedy. Something you know makes you laugh. You can also read a funny book. Another option is to simply make faces in front of your bathroom mirror or pantomime any action while laughing freely and loudly. You can also just pretend to laugh. It has been shown that even just pretending already changes body physiology. Allow yourself thereby to stimulate your playful exploratory attitude, as well as to appreciate the absurdity or incongruity of life situations.
